ERIK

Ready, Set, Go...

2009-10-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

I am at the place in my wife's pregnancy; where its time to get a bit more focused than I am. Its EASY to just be tired, and not get much done from day to day. But there are some things that must get done in the 5 (almost 4) weeks left. I was reading in 1 Corinth chapter 9 today. He talks about running the race. Sometimes, I so EASILY forget how much life is not about me. Since I said "I Do". Maybe I am releasing too much personal information, however its true. My wife knows it- I told her also already. Time to get focused. Tie both shoes extra tight. And start running... Jasper - Here I go.

need. (I have a lot to say).

2009-07-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

I have had an interesting last couple weeks of observing people on my way to and from work. I am seeing how the Economy is affecting many around us. Don't get me wrong, I feel completely blessed. I have everything and everyone I need. Sure there are ALWAYS things I want; but I believe those will come in time.

I am surrounded during my commute of people in need. People are continually both getting more creative and more desperate.

The Corner Cats.
This is a group of what portland generally classifies as Street Punks. You know who they are. They are loud. They are sometimes crazy. They ride the max from stop to stop and do not get off. They are often dressed in torn up clothes or lack there of. Some have dread locks, some have tattoos, some have dogs, and some have piercings. I know nothing of this group of individuals. But have noticed in the last few months the population of these groups has nearly doubled. It is really hard for me to not be annoyed or to instantly judge this group. I believe their need is deeper than I know. I think they long for and thrive on relationship. They seem to be so content with either little or nothing. They seem to enjoy most no agenda. I am sure some if not all would love a financial boost. I think they need and miss so often; real GRACE.

The Change Gang.
This for me is an even harder group to not ignore. To pass by and pretend to be changeless. Most the time though- Really all I am carrying is my debit. They are multiplying and creatively finding ways for asking for money. One asked me if I had a spare 10 laying around. One mentioned needing a dollar for a max ticket. Then I saw him circling the block. Of course I am not happy with my quickness to judge instead of love. I have a couple that often comes to my work a few times a day asking to exchange their change for solid bills, if even a mixture of two dollars in change. I had another ask me for spare change because she was trying to buy a birthday gift for her friend. What I believe- though really don't know for sure is that this group needs; real LOVE.

The Lost.
I don't mean in salvation. I mean the mentally challenged. There a few of these from time to time. People that come to the desk asking how much for the nicest room that reaches to the sky. People that come in mumbling various statements. People that come to the desk yelling for nothing or no apparent reason. This group of individuals sometimes is intimidating. Sometimes scary. Sometimes standoffish. What I believe- or am guessing is what this group needs; is real peace.

The moral of the story is- People's needs are always rooted deeper than I may ever know.

Annoying Songs... 101.

2009-07-10T17:08:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason today I have been singing both outloud on the max, and in my head an annoying song from days of old. Back in the days of the long awaited free disney previews on t.v. Not sure if you remember shows like, "Kid's incorporated", "Winnie The Pooh" (non cartoon), or this one pictured below "Zoobilee Zoo"? The "Zoobilee Zoo Chorus has been stuck in my head for quite some time... Gah! Though listing, "Kid's Incorporated" now that one is also in my melodic memory.

Heart Rate- 153 (head, body, leg).

2009-06-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today... We saw our baby boy. The heart beat. His legs, back bone, head, arms, hands, feet, kidneys and so on. It was far more moving than I thought it to be. I never know what to expect at these appointments. Here I was thinking- I really think it will be a girl. I thought this because I knew in my head- it would be far more difficult to raise a girl. The minute it became evident it was a boy though- I thought the same thing. Its going to be difficult to raise a boy far more than it would to be a girl.

Erin has always wanted to grow kids with the first being the older brother. Once she got used to being pregnant- at least the idea of it she was more ok with whichever sex. It is the chinese- Year of the boy though... Apparently this prediction was correct.

I have wanted a boy from pretty much the start. I love that we can carry on the family name. I love that I can bestow the things that I have learned. The things that I know. I am so excited. We are startin the name game... and will keep everyone posted.

Blessed.

2009-05-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Here I stand at work on an extremely slow night. Occasionally getting a mouthful from guests about the issues they have... Things I would complain about. I would be upset about. But also things- MY TRUEST counterpart would help me rationalize as NOT IMPORTANT.

Yesterday was my wife's (XX) Birthday. I was told to never disclose a woman's age. She may tell you if you ask her. We often celebrate our birthday's together with both families. We had first celebration at my inlaws. We made out with great special requested food, plus an additional cake made by my crazy uncle in law. We had great company. (Extended family also). We got the traditional card with monetary value which is always nice, as a combo gift we got wii fit, and wii from the sister in law and new bro in law. Pretty sweet gift I must say. We also got two kind of retro style schwinn bicycles! Her's pink, mine Red. Quite awesome!

My wife is 15 weeks preggo- with our soon to be not so mystery sex baby. Thats definately exciting. I don't always even know what to think or expect- but as I have also been counseled numerous times- I will when baby comes.

I got some time with my church friend Brandon today. A quick few minutes- but he is so positive about life, so focused on the goal, and a great new friendship is forming. I will be walking the giant hill to his house soon.

I also got time with my friend Colin. He is smart. He has experienced a lot of life... and I look forward to every time we hang out...

For these things and so many more- I am blessed.

Should I Ever Wash My Hand...

2009-05-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

Desmond Mpilo Tutu (born 7 October 1931) is a South African cleric and activist who rose to worldwide fame during the 1980s as an opponent of apartheid. In 1984, Tutu became the second South African to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Tutu was the first black South African Anglican Archbishop of Cape Town, South Africa, and primate of the Church of the Province of Southern Africa (now the Anglican Church of Southern Africa). Tutu chaired the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and is currently the chairman of The Elders. Tutu is vocal in his defence of human rights and uses his high profile to campaign for the oppressed. Tutu also campaigns to fight AIDS, homophobia, poverty and racism. He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984, the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism, and the Gandhi Peace Prize in 2005.[1] Tutu has also compiled several books of his speeches and sayings.

And he paused long enough to greet me with a hand shake.

The Shamrock 5k. (pictures to come).

2009-03-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

For those who didn't know... Which really shouldn't be too many of you that are ACTUALLY reading my blog... Erin and I have been training for a couple months prior for a 5 k run- (3.10 miles). Kind of for us a goal that became something we wanted to accomplish and focus on. Erin now vegetarian for quite a few various "skinny bitch" reasons. And no thats not what I call her when writing blogs... That was one of the resources that helped fuel her newer vegetarian kick.. (which will last her lifetime.) She and I both focused on running the distance, and also just plain old working out. Since Jan- my beautiful love- has lost I think just over 30 pounds! Pretty amazing her willpower and focus. Really its about becoming more holistic in the many different areas of our lives- and physical health is one of those. I have lost at this point- just under 30. I have a hard time saying no still even when by myself- usually at work- when the occasional croissant or scone floats by. Or my manager brings some killer cookies.. Anyways- the fact that I am struggling in only a few parts of my life- is still quite a difference of who I used to be. I also dont plan to ever see that specific 3 digit weight I was. lol.

The 5k. Thanks be to Shannon our official photographer, Tom our gleaming and super smiley proud father, and Jan, the rain and wind warrior. Maybe I should start this story with this... It was early in the morning, the clouds were highly present, as well as God's tears (or so I have heard it said- maybe of joy?), and crazy cold wind. The announcer was chipper, cracking jokes, the Richards (the almost not Richard) and Sutten clan were up and ready.

The race began. The hundreds if not thousandish runners were separated into groups of mile time status. We weren't sure how far the signs went back, but picked a spot. The race began and the herds moved forward. I took off pretty motivated. Erin found her steady speed. Some amount of time went by. Erin caught up. I paused to walk a couple of short times, as did she. There was a climbing hill - which unfortuneately the flat treadmill had not trained us for. We separated. I figured she would have wanted a cup of water- so I tried grabbing both of us one. after running a few blocks, carrying two open cups of water. Kinda difficult. Anyway i gave up trying to be a good husband. Later she had said she purposely had passed up the water station. Still separated we reached the final stretch. With so many runners, we lost sight of each other. She actually beat me by about 40 seconds or so. But we both got great times. each under 43 minutes. We hope to do another run soon, as its great to have something to work towards, and we also have found it was fun to donate to the cause. Plus we got a free long sleeve tshirt.

Afterwards, our rents, treated us to lunch at our favorite irish breakfast restaurant downtown, called Dulins. Though, we had been here one other time- with our great friends Kevin and Mel. We love them too. I guess Dulin's is only a place we go with people we love. For those that read this- the 3 of you. Thanks. Comments can be left by the way if you wish.

The nameless Pup... UPDATED: "Rugby" is his name.

2009-02-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

He is about 2 months old. He is ours as of last night (02/27/09). My mother and two of my sisters are a bit concerned- because he is part Pit Bull. Valid concerns yes. We will love him, train him well, and be very cautious and focused- as we should with any dog. We are nervous. We are excited. An adventure has begun. He seems to be slowly adjusting just fine. He will be introduced to MOE today. We will get more pictures up soon... This one is not as flattering.. He has much better features now.

Almost Purple Salt...

2009-02-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday at church was a very special message about marriage. It highlighted a couple that had issues. A couple that had to battle for eachother to show their love to one another. It showed that sometimes marriage/love is a challenge. It showed that sometimes, it seems, the best option is to either settle or give up. It showed that it takes sacrifice. It shows hard work is worth it. It shows that Love is possible. It shows that there is value in the pursuit. That there is value in making every effort. That there is effort in putting yourself aside- for their gain. Not every couple has SIGNIFICANT struggle- however- I think there are phases in which most at least cross that bridge. Every couple has a different experience. Best friends. Roommates. Enemies. Lovers. Pals. At the end of the service the couples, and single people, were urged to partake in creating purple salt. Each male grabbed a container of blue salt. Each female a container of pink salt. The symbolic challenge of calling the couples forward to combine their "salt", equally, which created something almost beautiful. I say almost beautiful because the mixture just ALMOST created purple salt. That was the goal. That was what was intended. Thats what was desired. Here's what I thought about though. Marriage before the fall... Yes gettin a bit spiritual on ya- Was intended for genuine and faltless beauty, for unity, equal worth it, desirable, precious, delicate. Of course, though there is beyond great significance in the power of love, unity, and genuine whole-ness; Our world has often distorted this true picture.. I am greatful for such an amazing wife whom I truly have been blessed with. Her love is so strong. We are both striving towards each other. Its not always easy. But it's always worth it. (and it will be ALWAYS).

Plus- we are almost at our 2 year mark. (nice anniversary drop there.)

Dreams.

2009-01-29T17:41:00.001-08:00

I have had quite a series of dreams through out my lifetime. Goofy kinds. Sad kinds. Scandalous kinds. Frightening kinds. Completely realistic kinds. Abstract kinds. I think all kinds... I decided the other day it would be fun to write a song about the randomness of my dreams. A lot of times famous people are in my dreams as best friends. Characters from movies also often make appearances. Old friends houses, old bedrooms, old people, young people, people I don't know- but in my dream I know. The random list would consume the entirety of the world wide web. (WWW). So I literally sat down, and within about a 30 minute time period my song about dreams came to be. It will go thru some more edits, and changes, but the first draft- is quite exciting. YAY! I love the hype of new songs. For me its almost refreshing. I look forward the opportunity to share it with all of you. I also found this website... for some dream defining... www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ . I am not as savvy as a fella's wife's blog of my favor of putting the word you click on to take you to the site... What are some of your dreams that you have of memory.

I think I am still learning patience...

2009-01-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

In the process of the "waiting" that occured with the house purchasing process- I began to think I had truly learned all that patience was. I wrote some thoughts down on a napkin. I reflected often on the patience that I portrayed and had to be. As I sit and blog today, I am starting to think, though the word patience seems simple enough, the act is much more complex. There are multiple levels of patience. For the longest time I was hot on the trail of finding a better job; hours, pay, company, benefits etc. The hilton has been a blessing. Lots of future potential is much moreso easily accessible. However, with the economic slowly dragging a long, hours are being significantly cut. I am now "waiting" on recieving reduced hour - unemployment. My wife is going thru the stages of recieving a settlement from accidents that are well past due. Both of our cars are past due on Tune-ups. Calls into unemployment are racking up cell phone bills. There always seems to be something going on. I think really mastering patience involves an overall confidence and attitude amidst these things. (and I don't think it ever ends.) One day maybe debt free comes along but there is bound to be something else. A child on the way, retirement etc. It becomes then so easy to live in the future. But why not just live in the now. One day at a time. Makes it a heck of a lot easier to do so- when you are focused on MUCH less. Its not bad to dream. Its not bad to hope. But to realize that nothing really is amidst our control, that there are some circumstances that are out of our reach, that we are sometimes powerless; though slightly hard to swallow- especially for me- its in most cases true. Welcome the art of learning patience. I think a one word definition of patience: BE.

Storing up.

2008-12-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

Quite a few months ago my wife and I started to set aside money in hopes to make ONE last of many "not-parent or parent to be" trips. We started little by little setting aside just a few bucks here and there. Unfortuneately, but responsibly we have had to dip into the trip fund- as for the last 2 weeks and few weeks to come- I won't be getting 40 hour work weeks. We are not in danger of losing a house, or car or anything. (Though i would love to lose my car- to a proper bill of sale- but that is another blog). It is really hard to just slowly give up portions of the money we have saved up. Though with the original full amount we may not have been able to make it anyway- that dream seems further distant. We aim to once the SLOW and unsteady work ceases and when I am back to full weeks- continue to save up and get there. I feel kinda silly that though treasured time with my wife, and friends, and mickey would be wonderful; it is hard for me to settle for waiting longer for. Why, is getting there always the hardest part? At the same point- something should be said for how HE always has a reason and plan for everything. We don't always know what that is, and may never fully understand. But, as my brilliant wife pointed out- perhaps the saved money could also serve as our "tight budget" back-up? Who knows?? Had we not dreamed to reach California by mid- Jan we would not really be surviving all the bills and unexpecteds that we have. We also wouldn't be as focused on being creative on gifts vs. spending more than neccesary. To those that may have been hoping or thinking we may send them something- you may not get anything. Thank goodness- almost everyone we know- (really most of ya) are not in our lives for gifts. We will get to California- I am determined. Maybe in different timing - as hard as it may be for me to suck it up and admit. Yet- though we are in a stressful time we will be coming out stronger than before. My goal this week and (for many weeks) is to stick to Jesus, because I know He will always give us everything we need. And props to Him if we already have it.

"TIIIIIIIIIGHT" TIMES...

2008-11-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's a tight season in our economy right now... Hours at my job aren't always full time- winter hotel business is slow... Christmas is coming, which will be Erin and I's most creative christmas yet... (Thanks Martha). (Well and Erin- for her knowledge of so many crafty things). We found out- though we knew a bit dated- our Water Heater doesn't seem to be heating anymore... We are looking into some options as we have our first OVERNIGHT guests tomorrow night, and of course would love to shower in our home with other than ice cold. Hopefully all will be in order soon. My father in law is going to see if it may just be an easy fix? We shall know the outcome of that soon. I think a hole has officially and supernaturally burned inside my wallet- he he just kidding. Yet still though things are financially a bit stressful- I considered this morning- how blessed we still are. We have a place to call home, we have food to eat, we have each other, we still have the funds we need to get by, we have family, we have love, we have laughter, we have pain and are made stronger, most of all we have Him, the tightest thing of all.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Fall.

2008-11-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

Fall is a season of change. Trees lose their leaves and are left bare for the winter. Ironically this year, its been observed, that with the economy many companies are having to let go of many employees, people are having to let go of the houses they own... Its a rough time for a lot of people, some family, some close friends. Erin and I are still fully employed, and are at no threat of losing our home. (Didn't want to miscommunicate.)

Sunday my wife and I spent a few hours "winterizing" our lawn. We spent a good couple hours just racking and setting up a compost pile. It's quite a large pile. This week I have started training during the morning shift. Its definately EARLIER than I am used too. We are excited for the changes little by little we are making to our home. We finally fixed the heat! We aim to have an open house in the near future...

Another update- on church. Some concern was expressed to the executive staff in regards to the campus being closed- and so- we have remained open. Some of the core team is being replaced, some; are sticking it out until further notice. Great things could develop if something consistent was set into place.

Our fall is seeming to provide change.

Migrating Whales.

2008-11-04T19:07:00.001-08:00

The wifey and I had a very unique weekend. Saturday we were fortuneate enough to spend some time with some very close friends who came to visit from California. It never feels like enough time- but the time given- was great- and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. It always seems that HE provides everything just as we need. We learned that around the christmas holiday months- whales migrate near Point Dume (Malibu Beach). We hope to have enough saved in order to see mickey, stay for cheap at the hilton, see our dear friends, and watch whales... Thanks to K and M for taking time amidst family to see us. On Sunday, I woke up with what my wife woke up with last week. Intense sinus pressure, congestion, and cough.. However, was needed at church. We found out- that due to some budgeting focus and cuts- our campus is no longer going to be meeting after next weekend. Also, quite a few staff unfortuneately were let go. We don't know why HE has let this happen- however we are aiming to trust HE knows what HE is doing. Please be lifting us up, both as we continue to navigate thru the possible church crisis and I focus on feeling healthier.. I think I am almost there.

Dear Henry- A Self Conducted Exit Interview

2008-10-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

Work History/Experience:
I have been working for you as an employee for about a year and a half, and at this property for over 2 years. I am the front desk employee that has been here the longest, makes the most, and the one who succeeds in customer service time and time again. I am the employee that the managers over me claim they will miss. The one who gets along with every other employee. The one which guests believe I will be/ and have been an excellent employee wherever I go. I’ve called in sick under your employment once, and been a few minutes late twice. I am the employee that gave a two weeks notice, and have actually fulfilled it.
Were you satisfied with this company's merit review process?
The review took place 9 months after it should have, for which you apologized for it taking so long. During our review you offered five different times- that if I wanted to quit- to give at least a weeks notice. During our review you pointed out only mistakes I had made, and my lack of follow-thru; and no successes. During our review you mentioned I was the team member with the worst customer service skills. Which was in comparison to those who have since; walked out, text quit hours before their shift, quit then were rehired then quit again, argued with you, and fired for lying to you. I have never done any of those things. You didn't offer me a raise. I can only deduce this is because I already make more than any other front desk employee.
What would you change about your job?
I would want to see those that deserve much credit for going above and beyond actually appreciated with more than a positive comment. I would want to see you much more organized and cleaning up your own office, not the manager under you keeping it organized for you. I would want to see you care more for employees and be less focused about how much you can make if you didn’t have one of them. I believe the staff directly over me did the best they could with the little they had.
Do you have any tips to help us find your replacement?
I don't care who works for you from this point forward; as you've proved obvious your not expecting excellence, your just aiming for your own wealth. Since you said that someone with a masters degree and previous experience with Red Lion is over qualified- no.
Any additional comments?
I am not excited about the fact that you will now profit from my leaving. About 35 bucks extra a month. Perhaps that can go to the mattresses many years old, the pool that’s now been closed over 3 months for maintenance issues, the wireless internet that rarely connects, the internet support team that rarely is able to assist us, the 18,000 camera system you put in, that can only be viewed in present time, but not for review, or crimes committed. Thank you for teaching me that with the pursuit for money; nobody else or anything matters. That you can remodel and refurbish things for dirt cheap- but that you get what you pay for. That people will work for very little- but hate their job. Thank you for proving to me that thru the challenging and terrible circumstances, leaving here for the last time is a much greater step towards success; than remaining an employee here.

PS: These are thoughts I feel better to ONLY reflect on- plus we don't have a work employee printer. I think it healthier and unneccessary for him to actually read this- only because I don't think it would change anything anyway. Thanks to those that read my blog- if you leave a comment- please include your name.

The Update of Updates...

2008-09-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

We with a time crunch made an offer on a different house. 5 hours later they phone countered. We phone countered. They accepted. House inspection passed. Mostly cosmetic fixing things or things we could do to prevent mold/dry rought. Twoish weeks have passed and the loan process is now almost complete. We are signing papers tomorrow. Keys should be handed over- two days following. (Monday or Tuesday?) We have been packing as we still have 2 weeksish in our apartment. We plan to paint and get settled in nice and slow! (If slow is a 13 day process). We look forward to what's ahead. Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers!!! So many of you have contributed in some way in the house purchasing process, THANK YOU!

In other news... someone got a job offer from The Hilton Portland- Guest Service Agent and is taking it. Well-- Contingent upon a drug test of course. No poppeyseed's from me.

Updated Blog- The New Diggs...

2008-08-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Recap (from the last blog- peanut version):

A long, long time ago, around March 13th or about 5 months- we made an offer on a house. Today we withdrew our offer from that house. For whatever reason- this house just was not meant to be and we literally hadn't heard anything.

UPDATE: Last thursday we looked at about 8 houses, and narrowed it down to 2. Saturday my in-laws joined us for the viewing of the two. We always value more insight in addition to our own. All with one property in mind as the favorite; we held onto the possibility of a home that was 30k less and needed some neccesary projects prior to living there. Later that day our amazig realitor called and let us know that the septic system would need full replacing. A giant 25k red flag then protruded from the ground- up past our eyeline. Leaving us- desirably so with the beautiful but slightly more expensive favorite. Completely move in ready other than paint. Completely remodeled inside and out. BEAUTIFUL! We made an offer today (the pricing being similar to what the initial house would have been- if the offer goes thru). This whole approval of offer process has to happen by FRIDAY. Otherwise we will continue to enjoy the apartment we reside in. As the only loan we are able to get is to be terminated by october 1st. Leaving us until Friday to hear back. We are thoroughly excited and anticipating news soon. Even if a counter-offer... Regardless, the process now compared to the 5 month journey of ups and downs- is night and day difference. The specs fable style- 3 dungeons, 1 (and eventually 2) outhouses, 1385 sq feet, huge fenced back yard, and gardening delight!!! Here are some pictures! We will keep you in the loop - and if all goes as planned- we would be moving in around the first of October (pending the loan process and inspection of course). We do trust that regardless of the outcome- HE- our magnificiant life coordinator knows what's best for us and for now.

PICTURES: FRONT OF HOUSE, COMMON ROOM, KITCHEN, and BASEMENT MASTER(fireplace not shown).

PS: the original home we wanted is most likely going to go into foreclosure as it has been on the market for almost a year. And the bank/realitor group has already lost out or passed up 2-4 other full price offers on the home. Who knows why.

"Silence" and what it means to me... (and others).

2008-08-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

This blog is meant for those curious to know the meaning of this song. I am all for each song meaning something different to any one person... However, not everyone else is all for such things. Rule #1 - if my definition of the song is different from what you thought it meant, let your definition be the correct one. I am hoping to answer some questions- and not destroy the lyrics of value. Rule #2- The songs I comprise sometimes take only minutes to write down - other times take hours and days. Credit should only given where credit can be due. There are some songs I was used for and intentionally created for to write. Rule #3- If you read this- even if you have told me- please comment as to what you think it means...

Background: I grew up believing that we all "hear" (or begin to assume) concepts or messages we draw from life's experiences. Some are praises from others, yet others unfortuneatley are the we fill in the blank style messages. Maybe we ask a question to a shooting star and nothing seems answered or resolved; so we assume the worst. Maybe we stare at the mirror disliking the reflection we see; and in turn "hear" that we are worthless. Whether the assumptions are true or not- 97 percent of the time they aren't true. However, we grew up; starting to let these messages sit and resonate in our brains... At least for me with similar messages- I did. Take note; Mom and dad and those who might be affected by this- the above two instances are just examples not neccesarily reflectant on my personal childhood. I fully believe these messages are interspersed in ones life regardless of the love that is present to comfort it. And I had a lot of LOVE growing up for which I am and was blessed. Sin still happens. Sad still happens.

I only am able to write songs the way I know how, and best am able to relate too. My hope in this is that in some way or form- my experiences or bits of my experiences have also been had by those listening.

For me the song is this. Really hard to define. I think based on what was said above, I wrote what I have come to learn in this life of mine. Silent times when I bought in or believed a lie. Spiritually speaking of course the devil wants to break everything we hold onto, and Jesus values us. However, I wanted more of a song focused on a story line. Is the boy me? It could be; however; though I am extremely blessed with an incredible wife, and a truly supportive and loving family. Life's journey naturally has bruises and scars. However, without the scars and bruises, we wouldn't, I wouldn't be who I am today. But I realize everyone's journey is different.
This song reminds me for my sake what to do. I guess part of my goal as well was to encourage those close to me also to "not let the silence speak in their life." Hoping they'd not buy into some of the pain that I ONCE did. (or human naturely could...) Life is life though truthfully, and only you can make of it what you will.

I hope this helps... Please comment your thoughts.

SILENCE written by Erik Sutten
Late in the night, a young boy watched the stars in the sky He made a wish and asked, "whats in store for my life?" The answer so silent, he believed nothing bright As the stars faded his dreams also died. Chorus: What you are is enough, no need to disguise Don't let the silence speak in your life. Hold on to the truth, and discard the lies. Deception unfolds when compared to what's right. A few years later the teen stumbled on a dream Asking, "Mirror mirror on the wall, what is it that you see?" It said, "I don't see elegance, or beauty fit for a king, I see a pauper so filthy and bleak." Chorus This grown man, saw his reflection on a stream and thought, What is this life I've lived, what happened to my dreams? I could have been successful, I could have been crowned the king, but I bought into the silence it's to late for me to dream. Chorus Late in the night a young boy watched the stars in the sky He made a wish and asked, "what's in store for my life?"His father turned to him, with hope gleaming from his eyes and said, "Son you will accomplish many great things all your life."

Second Wildlife Sighting.... Near my apartment!!

2008-05-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a few moments- and focus this blog on more of a happening than multiple happenings or something artistically driven... The first wildlife sighting I ever saw- was a raccoon near the dumpsters of where at the time- My girlfriend Erin lived. We now reside in the same apartment complex- in a different unit... Today in broad daylight on my way to work... I saw an OPOSSUM! It was rather scary looking- and I couldn't take a camera phone picture- I think my big beast of a car had scared it...

In other news, 10 weeks today on not really hearing anything... 1-3 to go. (hopefully!!!!). Still we both work for the same jobs... Though I look forward to change... Even though sometimes, change is hard. Hope all is well to those who read this- and even to those that don't.

Thank you, to James Coral.

2008-03-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes on my Tuesday and Wednesday morning commutes, I have the most random thoughts come to mind. I was thinking about how if I was unable to see how God brought me from uncertainty to understanding, how would I know what to look for in the future? The random thought of my day, begins with me remembering my Driver's Ed Instructor James Coral. Always in his full athletic water resistent attire, with an apple eaten to the core. One time on a night where I got to drive, I was turning right at a three way intersection. Little did I notice that when my light turned green, so did the walk signal for pedestrians. James immediately slammed on his extra brake. Everyone in the car experienced the dreaded feeling of the seatbelt tightening up for what's only seconds but feels like 20 minutes. I am sure that he swore or leaned over, his outfit crinkling, saying something like, "CAN'T YOU SEE THEM?!" This was the day I learned to always look both ways. Ok, maybe not really, but at least a reminder.

So here I was, pondering, and driving along the morning commute. Noticing how, I have completely come to take driving for granted. Its something I know. It's something I am reletively good at. Despite my occasional lack of depth perception, or rainstorm that causes a girl in a cross walk to be invisible and then cuss at me. I remembered how I used to fear the thought of freeway driving, let alone merging. How I used to hate with a passion, parallel parking amidst parking cones. (R.IP. Little orange domes.) Yet, now I merge now with the greatest of ease. I look both ways when pulling out into oncomming traffic and three way stops. I let my wife parallel park or walk me thru step by step each time on how to do it. I have grown. I have experienced the greatness of learning how to better do something I had never done before I was 15. Though, when I was younger, I often would get to sit on my dad's lap, and steer through the neighborhood.

If I am unable to recognize how even in the small rediculous things like driving a car; that God has brought me thru that time. How, will I know to see Him present in the harder life lessons I experience today? In the tough goodbye of a dear friend moving to California to rock seminary school. In the complete patience needed in waiting to hear from a bank about an offer placed on a house. In the occasional challenges of marriage. In knowing that, though I wish to not work here, He has a reason beyond me, for having me work here. Thanks to the memory of James Coral, I think I will start paying more attention for each corner that I am turning.

Oh, and I could have called this blog, "I got my permit from the Most High." (I pictured it - as a line from a rap song, sung by a white rapper.)

Facing a Fog...

2008-02-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

I had a morning drive to which I felt was somewhat symbolic. I know only 2-3 read this but bare with my attempt to make sense. I started my car, and began the regular 4 minute defrosting process. As I began to head towards work, I was slightly surprised by the amount of existent morning fog. Sometimes fogs can cause you to take extra caution. sometimes they are impossible to navigate safely thru, and sometimes, all you have is the White "safety/shoulder" line. This particular fog, was not the worst I have ever experienced. But I began to think about how- I am sort of in a Foggy stage of my life right now. (I can't speak for Erin; though she may also feel this way.) Its not always a negative when life is foggy. Its usually just a time to use caution, move carefully, focus on the "white line", make no rash choices etc. I thought to myself, this is somewhat ironic... Because here I am, attempting to look into my life, my financial place, my home/future home, career, life goals etc. Its all unknown possibilities. My desire is to push thru the unknown/fog. To get to clarity. To get where I need to be. When in all reality; I can't really do anything more then focus on the "white line" or Jesus. Some of you may believe differently, but I believe that its all His plan anyway. He is in control, whether I choose to act on that or not, whether I choose to believe in all circumstance or not. He is a continuous white line that provides safety, peace, comfort, security, and most of all a direction to follow. So though I may not know where I will be living, what I will be making, or where I will be working in even a year from now, He does. I just have to focus on HIM first. (then my wife, family, friends, etc.) All other things will come in His time. For some reason this is all so easy for me to forget. And even as I write, I am in no way close to perfecting this release of control or trust in Him. But I do thank God for his gentle reminder with the Fog this morning.

2008-02-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hello, Hi, How's it going?, Holler...
(There hopefully all those salutations add up to the one's I have missed the last few weeks.)
Lots of things happening in the world and brain of Mr. E. (and Mrs. Too!) We are looking at the possibility of buying our first home. We were shocked in the amount it would most likely cost - if we got it at its full sale price. Luckily, if some circumstances taper out- we hope to make an offer for less than the full sale price. I am still on the job hunt. Via Craigs list, Kaiser Permanente, and Jobdango, I have probably submitted over 200 cover letter's and resume's over the last 6 months. Though I am blessed to have an income, and work, I just feel like I need to find something better. The myth that some males believe is that- they are defined by their work. True or not- it applies to this desire I have to succeed and be in a comfortable, supportive, advancing, and proffessional career. This jobhunt is one circumstance we wait upon in making our first offer. My car very well may on CAHOOTZ (SP). Jiffy Lube though not fully trustworthy mentioned a blown head gasket. My cousin Dan and I will be C.S.I'ing my car in a few days. However, if we buy a house, the likelihood of me affording a newer car, and selling this one- are slim... Money may be somewhat tight per month. Marriage is great. Yes, there are times where we are both frustrated, or times when we are at a loss for words. But there are also times, where we connect so well, where we love to just be with each other etc. It balances out. I think thats what Love is. Love is balanced. We have lots of dreams, lots of thoughts about the future, and lots of goals we hope to accomplish. As she knows so well, and moreso than me, we only are promised today. I get stuck so much trying to plan the future out, trying to understand and know how each situation will end. The reality is, in most if not all of the situations, I am the one with least amount of power or control. Change is about. Whether a stormy season, or a season of "Fall", its coming. Circumstances are due to change, our lifestyle is possible to change, Friends are moving, Jobs may be switching, yet all in all- HE is in control.

An Eye On The Storm...

2008-01-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

A somewhat typical morning as we arose after gracefully sleeping in... (which at this point in the story - we have not yet "become arosed"...) Erin returned from round one of prepping the boys for the day, getting them breakfast, and then dropping them off at their school. We had originally planned upon her return to go to the gym together. (Around 9ish now....) Upon her arrival, as I was eagerly awaiting came the opening of the door, and a giant yawn. So we did what any somewhat newly wed couple would do. We napped! It was pretty nice. About an hour or so later- we "awoke gracefully", her having a haircut scheduled. So she went off to do her thing. I decided to watch another episode of my current DVD SEASON craving- HOUSE Season 2. Towards the end of the episode- I heard a distantly loud and lingering thunder. My skin perked- if that's even possible- as I anticipated a possible thunderstorm and perhaps power outage. Which on the side I love! Moments later- Erin called on her way home from the haircutting place of choice, and said, "Quick, turn on the T.V. and turn to a news channel!" I immediately asked, "Why...?" She responded, "Because a Tornado just passed thru downtown Vancouver!!" (Noting- that the exclamaition point is not anger, but was inserted to express excitement and curiousity.) And so of course I did do just that. As my wifey made it home safely from a few blocks away I was completely thankful! Though we weren't holding onto each other with our dear lives, with nothing but a Belt tied to a pipe deep in the ground... I enjoyed spending time with my favorite wifey, having an eye on the storm. She is my best friend, my rock, and my inspiration. Whom by the way, has an amazingly HOT haircut! 143 forever.

The White Trash Christmas Party Recap

2007-12-12T20:34:00.000-08:00

So the party ended up being a blast! Erin and I, enjoyed our evening, as we had never seen so much food! (just kidding.) We gave away door prizes, and Strip Poker winner prizes... Everyone that ended up coming - actually won something. We switched from horrible christmas music- like the singing cats, "Walkin' Round in Woman's Underwear" - (a spoof of Winter Wonderland), and of course "Holiday" by Madonna... To the oldschool Super Mario Cartoon/Show- with the cheesy real people skits in the beginning of each episode. This one entitled, "Koopa Claus". There was a fire pit- outside- and pabst, food, warmth, and strip poker on the inside. Here are some pictures...

Yoplait and the Fork...

2007-10-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

So as most of my devoted readers know, I have constantly been looking for a better job placement, working 55 hours a week - at two locations, and have been also trying to maintain all other bases... (God then wife, then family, friends and music... etc). I have been one busy fella'. Today, much like any other day the last few weeks... I woke up feeling more tired than when I went to bed, got ready to go, the wife helped prepare my "lunch" for the day, and with barely enough time to chow cereal down- finished up, and headed out. (Pausing to say- that my wife is incredible... She makes "Lunch" for me- everyday!!! And healthy too!- "Lunch" btw consists of four snacks, and two entrees..) I started my first job at the social services place, mostly supporting the medical assistant. Answering and routing calls, filing, data entry etc... usually this dictates the activities of my first day's 5 work hours.. Then I often race to Starbucks and get my drink- (black and white hot chocolate.) Though for the best cup of cocoa in the world visit NW Coffee on Burnside. After a bit of sippin' and reading my current book - that I aim to finish in less than a year, I often do a polo shirt switch in preparation for my second job. Motel 6. That is an 8 hour shift. I noticed as I began the thought processes regarding my second position- I became very, very tired. At the motel- there are completely calm times- and completely high stress times... In the midst of stressful moments often comes an attitude of mine that most aren't familiar with. A sometimes grumpy, or quietly jerky, or overwhelmed persona etc. It causes friction when MRS. Sutten often calls to talk, or I find myself being completely selfish. At the same point- its something I choose. Granted I may not have the best job or pay, but I can just as easily turn on Mr. Happy. In lieu of reaching that crossroads- I pulled out my snack- realizing I forgot both an ice pack and spoon, and am sitting here eating my yoplait with a plastic fork. It didn't make my day- but it sure is funny as Heckfire to watch me eat it.

The moral of the story is: If you are choosing to have a bad attitude- try eating yogurt with a fork.

Brought to you by the letter - "S"

2007-10-12T09:28:00.001-07:00

I silently sifted down the stairs; letting the door not slam behind me. I sneezed as I stared at the simmering sun. My legs seperated, as my shoes sliced thru the slated grass. I climbed into my all familiar seat, and settled in as I pulled the seatbelt over my shoulder. I scratched my still slick and freshly shampoo'd hair. I started my car and listened to its not so smooth studder. I shifted into drive, and begain steering straight ahead down the small and slim road we live on. All of a sudden, a sleuthy green spider, slid down its string, seconds away from landing on the slope of my skin. My body was startled and began shivering at the thought of being stabbed by its sharp smile. I quickly slowed down, and separated the spider's web from its starting point. I then shucked it acrossed the seat and on to the opposite side panel of my not so safe motorized silo. If tomorrow I succomb to the startling sounds of strong muscles, and spidey-sense stewing, know that I will save you when you shriek for safety. My Sutten-Spidey Sense could be the next saving superstar story.

34 Years and 6 Months

2007-09-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend has been quite enjoyable. Erin and I today- the Second- celebrated our 6 month anniversary.. Its really surprising to me how fast this has come to be... It doesn't feel like yesterday that we were married- but it just feels like 6 months- was not at all that long. We celebrated by making it over to Sweet Tomato's for Brunch.. Lots of good selections.. My favorite the best breakfast burrito I have ever made! We then came home- and took a very very deep sleep type nap.. It was amazing.. I love naps.. My parents came into town making a stop here- on their way to cannon beach to celebrate their 34th year of marriage- and we met them at Beaches Restaurant... Amazingly all from just making a reservation over the phone- and mentioning the occasion- they write the names of those and the occasion being celebrated. They lay leighs on those celebrating... They gave my mom a candle, and my dad two beer glasses full of taffy.. Oh and they typed up their names on the specials menu's only for our table.. It was definately rad. I got to ask them favorite memory, and life lesson type questions- as I had my wife at breakfast. It was a very genuine day! I loved every second. Except the guy who just called my work and had not known any english.. Quite frustrating- trying to understand - but I'm over it!! ha ha. Another weird google image found...

Almost Brownies Time!!

2007-08-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have come to the understanding that my blogs are a bit too "chalked full" of great things.. Tomorrow the play date is back in the schedule!!! I can't wait. The wife will be making brownies, and we will be jamming in our HOTTER THAN FRIED RICE apartment... Hopefully it won't be as hot tomorrow outside.. Don't I sound like the true Seattle-ite? Ha ha! But being in an upstairs apartment- you get hot days quite often. I am a little nervous about him coming over tomorrow- though I am not sure why? He is kind of a --- hmm whats the word.. Not hero, Not Idol, but someone I respect and wish I had more of his traits- specifically on the guitar. Anyways.. Thats enough for now.. Hope everyone who takes time to read this- is doing great!